speaking the same language

recently, while on assignment in philadelphia, i was reminded how proper communication and conflict resolution often go hand in hand. and how often things i say are misunderstood.

guy was taking photo portraits of dr. mike atchison. i could tell mike was nervous.

attempting to help him feel more at ease and relate with him, i commented, "it's okay, i don't like my picture being taken close up, either, but you're doing great!" guy, somewhat seriously, replied, "maybe you should go take a walk," as he continued snapping photos of mike. mike and i were both laughing, and a few minutes later, i did wander off a bit.

later that evening, guy and i were driving to the hotel. he said, "hey, i wanted to talk about what happened earlier," and went on to explain that he thought what i said had been negative and discouraging. he asked me to think about how i would feel if he said, "it's okay, i don't like being interviewed either," while i was conducting an interview. i chuckled and explained that i've actually said that myself, if i feel the person is tense or nervous. but i didn't laugh off his comment. i apologized and felt terrible that i'd made him uncomfortable.

i guess my gauge for helping other's feel comfortable or less-nervous, is on the wrong side of the spectrum. guy affirmed that he likes it when i stay close, in case he needs help, and that i'm good at staying out of the way and helping carry things.

and of course i could go on a self-depricating rant about how i am misunderstood, but the reality is it doesn't happen often. i just know there are times when resolving conflict is going to happen and i'm fine with that. i just don't take people so seriously, and if i do, i ask them about it.

i was glad guy brought our little faux pa into the light. i want to make sure we're speaking the same language when communicating with our story subject and with each other.