Insecurity

I’m going out on a limb here. Mostly because this sounds like a confession but also because for once, I’m not posting something funny or “linked” to a sociological issue (which, apparently, I’m passionate about and never realized until I began getting fired up about things). Sorry, I digress.

In Beth Moore’s newest book, So Long, Insecurity, she says, “We’re not jealous of people in whom we see nothing admirable. In fact, it is the fear that they have something we don’t that makes us most insecure.”

I find most of my “down-on-myself” times come when I’m comparing my abilities or looks to an attribute or outward appearance in someone else and thinking, Gee, I wish I was that (insert attribute here).

The bigger issue is with pride and my egos wreaking havoc on myself and those around me.

Harboring pride in my heart keeps me from healing. It keeps me from hearing the Lord’s gentle, true, voice telling me what I really am instead of what I tell myself I’m not (the “tapes” we play, if you will).

We were created to desire significance, but it can only be found in the One who created us. He never takes His eyes off us.

Once I begin to see my purpose for being here is because of Him, I no longer feel the nagging urgency to be noticed or important in someone else’s eyes.

Pride cheats me of intimacy because intimacy requires transparency. Thank heaven it’s not difficult to spot…

Just last night I got all upset with my sweet boyfriend, Jaime. All he did was show up 20 minutes late because he never got a text message I sent him 40 minutes prior (Verizon and AT&T are not friends). Not only was I upset with him for being late, I had been on a self-destruct path of comparing myself with other women, feeling sorry for myself, struggling with jealousy over friends who are traveling to beautiful places with their families and just being a mopey mess (i.e., “fearing all those people have something I don’t”).

I almost let pride cheat me of transparency. It took everything in me to open up and tell Jaime all that was frustrating me. Normally, I try to jam it up inside and tell myself I’ll deal with it later.

My confidence needs to lie in the certainty that God has given me my identity and nothing can take that away.

It goes hand-in-hand with Bill Bright’s Spiritual Breathing - - I need to submit myself daily to God and have confidence that He is all I need instead of constantly struggling with my own pride and becoming more insecure by the minute. Dying to self.