recovery?

my sweet boyfriend brought to light that i have a card reader built into my macbook pro. i popped it in and was astonished with how quickly it opened iphoto and downloaded my pics.

i happily ejected the card and had jaime show me how to format the memory card because i'd never learned how. i've heard it's good to format the card once in awhile just to keep it refreshed and clear.

before realizing my huge mistake, the card was put away, my laptop was closed and the camera stored safely away in my purse. all seemingly well.

hours later i opened my laptop, excited to look through my 150+ photos from guyana. no dice. iphoto had only downloaded 41 of the photos. my heart skipped a beat and i could feel my stomach churn. i felt like i was going to hurl.

instead, i took a deep breath and broke into tears.

on the way home yesterday i stopped at a camera store. i'd heard about software that could recover photos from formatted memory cards. as the man pulled up the files, i looked and was shocked to see pictures from two and three years ago, with only a few pictures from my guyana trip. everything was mixed and unorganized. the man said my card has bad file paths and there was nothing else he could do to help.

after making a fool of myself and crying in the store, i walked out feeling like a moron, completely disappointed and frustrated.

thoughts ran through my mind: why didn't i check my iphoto before deleting the memory card? why is this recovery software not working? where are my pictures?

today was my last hope. i downloaded recovery software onto my computer to locate the files myself. again, no dice.

i'm saddened by the reality that i can never ever recreate my experience. it's not like i was down the street at disney world. thousands of dollars and time went into that trip. my puny little 150 photos meant more to me than anything i'd brought back besides the story i'm writing.

maybe i'm being ridiculous, but it doesn't change the fact that i'm upset.